Facing the Past
by CSIfan8686
Summary: Four years later, Sara comes face to face with Natalie Davis.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own CSI. **

**Facing the Past**

He quietly climbs back into bed next to her, pleased that he didn't wake her when he climbed out a few minutes ago.

She said that she wanted to be awake early today because it's her Birthday, and she wants them to spend the whole day together. They've been separated for each others Birthday for last past few years, so today feels extra special that they get to spend it together. He plans on taking her to Lake Mead for a romantic picnic, and then he's booked a table at a nice restaurant for tonight. She said that she doesn't want any gifts because him being here is enough to make her happy, and although he knows that she hates receiving gifts he's just left a trail of them throughout the house for her. Of course he's going to spoil her on her Birthday, he'd spoil her every day of the year if she'd let him.

The early morning sun is shining brightly through the window and highlighting her face, making her look, if at all possible, even more stunning.

He knows that he should but he doesn't have the heart to wake her up; she looks looks so peaceful. She's laying on top of the duvet, wearing a short silk, baby blue, nightdress; high up her legs and low on her cleavage.

He groans inwardly.

Her right hand is resting across her abdomen and her left arm is stretched above her head, it's as if she's re-enacting the fall of a Disney princess.

Smiling to himself he allows his eyes to search over her long and lean body; over every dimple, curve and freckle, until he finds her face again. There's a small smile playing over her mouth and suddenly he has the urge to slowly make love to her.

But he still can't bare to wake her up.

He slowly lifts his hand to her face and traces the out line of her jaw with his index finger, before lightly touching it to her lips.

He chuckles when he hears her moan quietly.

Unable to resist any longer he leans down and touches his mouth to her, lingering until he feels her kiss him back.

She moans again, and he moves his lips to her cheek, then her nose and forehead, before he starts kissing up her arm, which is still sprawled above her head. He softly kisses up to her wrist and then kisses her palm, and he's just about to work his way back down to her lips when she cups his face in her freshly kissed hand.

"Mmm... I could get used to you being my alarm clock." she whispers, smiling.

"Happy Birthday." he replies, turning to kiss her palm again. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just couldn't resist kissing you..."

"Well... don't stop..."

He raises his eyebrows for a brief moment and then starts to work his mouth back down to hers, where he kisses her deeply.

Running his right hand slowly down the length of her body, he caresses the area which he knows is extra sensitive; a small area on her left hip. He draws small patterns with his fingers until he feels her body quiver beneath him, and she makes a noise somewhere between a squeal and a heartfelt moan.

He smiles and continues to kiss her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth to take control of the moment.

His touch is soft, it's as if he caressing the most precious item in the world and he's afraid to break it. But in his eyes he is, Sara is his most precious. He could live without everything he has in life, except for Sara; his soulmate, his heart. He's never believed in fate, he's only only ever believed in facts; the science, but he truly believes that he and Sara were made specifically for eachother, and that they'll be together forever. No matter what. He knows that that they're complete opposites, but at the same time they're exactly the same. Sara's young (younger than him anyway), bubbly, emotional, and a vegetarian, whilst Gil is older, quiet, he doesn't really show his emotions, and he loves meat. But they're both science geeks; fascinated by how things work, workaholics, stubborn, and before they finally became a couple they both craved the same thing; love and eachother. Now nothing will ever tear them apart; no other man or woman, no psychotic serial killer, no other reason.

Settling himself between her legs, he moves his mouth from hers and kisses down to her ear.

"This will be one Birthday which you'll never forget." he groans

Sara involuntarily quivers again, and she smiles.

"Oh, really? How?"

"Let me show you."

The next few hours are spent rolling around under the duvet, both on the bed and on on the floor. Their lovemaking was slow; intimate and intense. For the most part he struggled to hold on, but he wanted this to be special for her.

And it was.

Just as she thought that she couldn't hold on any longer, he'd pull back and slow down, and start to kiss her. And then when she thought that she would explode just by his kisses he'd start moving within her again, starting a whole new sensation.

He drove her crazy with need. But when he knew that she was finally ready for him he whispered words of love to her, and with one long stroke they climaxed together.

Sara's heart is still beating wildly minutes later. She can't even find the strength to roll over and cuddle into him, so they're both laying on their backs with huge grins spread across their faces.

"Was that good enough for the Birthday Girl?" he chuckles.

Her eyes twinkle as she stares up at the ceiling.

"Meh... I've had better..."

He can't stop his mouth from dropping open in disbelief, but he laughs at her sarcasm.

"Let's try again then, shall we?"

"Mmm...lets."

Wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his face down to hers, she's just just about to kiss him when there's a knock on the front door. The hold still for a moment, their eyes darting from side to side as they listen to see if there's another knock. When there isn't their lips crush crush together in a heated kiss, the kind of kiss which sends heartbeats ricocheting off the charts, but then there's another knock on the door.

They both laugh as they look into eachothers eyes.

"I'll get the door." Sara growls, as she squirms out from underneath her husband.

Grabbing her dressing gown she bounds out of the bedroom and down the hall way.

"I'm coming. I'm coming." she yells as there's another knock.

Without looking through the peephole she pulls open the door, fighting back a growl of disapproval at being pulled from her bed. The first thing she sees is the worlds largest bouquet of roses, in a range of colours.

"Delivery for Sara Grissom?" says a young man, his eyes peeping over the top of the flowers.

Sara smiles at hearing her being called 'Sara Grissom'. Although she did change her name, she still goes by 'Sidle' at work.

"Err...yeah, that's me." she replies, completely in awe.

She accepts the flowers and thanks the delivery guy. For a moment she just stands at the door inhaling the wonderful scent, before taking a step backwards back inside the house. Smiling, she turns around then gasps.

How on earth did she miss this on her way out?

The coffee table is topped with a bundle of neatly wrapped gifts, with a few dotted around the floor leading to the bedroom, and with Hank sitting nearby keeping guard.

"Hey boy." she whispers, moving slowly over to the table. She sets the flowers down by the side of the sofa and starts to pet her beloved dog. "I told him that I didn't want any gifts. He never listens."

Hank groans happily in reply as Sara scratches behind his ears.

"Gil Grissom, get your butt out here right now!"

He arrives in the living room a few moments later, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, with an innocent look across his face; he knows he's in trouble.

"Don't look at me with those puppy dog eyes." she says. "I told you that I didn't want you to buy me presents."

"Well that alright because they're not from me."

Sara opens her mouth to speak but quickly closes it, confused by his words.

"They're from Hank." he smiles.

"Cute, Gil. Very cute." She sighs. "Gil, I don't want you to spoil me. I don't like it."

"Well... it's tough, because I love to spoil you. You deserve it. Anyway, it's not much. Just some silly little things."

When she stands up he walks towards her and takes her in his arms.

"I love you, Sara."

Smiling, she reaches up and places a soft kiss on his lips, before burrowing her head against his shoulder.

"I love you, too." she whispers. "And thanks for the flowers. They're gorgeous."

He lightly kisses the top of her head.

"Why don't you go get ready and I'll make us some breakfast." he says, making no effort to release her from his grasp.

"Aww..." she frowns, pulling away from him. "Is our fun over?"

Raising his eyebrows he pats her ass and chuckles softly.

"It hasn't even begun yet."

Now it's Sara's turn to raise her eyebrow, and they fall into a staring match. All four eyes are sparkling with passion, and she feels her heart do a double beat as she watches Gil open his mouth a little. However, she breaks the spell when she laughs and she quickly pecks him on the lips.

"I'll go check the mail and then get ready." she says and heads towards the front door, but the she turns her head back towards her husband. "Feel free to join me in the shower..."

She opens the front door and heads out to the mailbox, followed by Hank. It's a beautiful day. The sun is bright and hot and there's not a cloud in the sky. She smiles as she watches Hank run around the front lawn chasing some birds and barking frantically.

"Yeah, Hank, that's how you catch the bad guys. Make as much noise as possible."

Unlocking the mailbox she groans when she finds a handful of bills, but she collects them and heads back up towards the house.

"Hank!" she chuckles, as the dog jumps up at her and knocks the letters out of her hand.

He obediently sits down by her feet and Sara crouches down next to him to pick up the dropped mail, that's when she sees an envelope addressed to her. Still crouching next to Hank she tears open the envelope curiously and pulls out the neatly folded letter to read. But she barely makes it past the first sentence when her heart starts to race. She blinks a few times to try to rid the black haze which is covering her eyes, but it won't shift.

She falls backwards and lands on her ass, fighting to keep her eyes open.

Gil was right. This will be one Birthday which she won't forget in a hurry.

**TBC...**

**Okay, not my best, and I struggled with SMUT (that's why I missed it out), but hopefully it will turn out okay. **

**Lynne xo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews guys. I do try to reply. **

**Facing the Past**

**Chapter 2**

He's preparing a mushroom omelette for Sara when he realises that she hasn't come back inside yet.

"She must be chatting to a neighbour." he mumbles to himself, pouring the mixture into the pan.

He frowns. He can't hide the pang of jealousy which over comes him as he remembers that the only neighbour to be home this time in the morning is Andrew, the gym fanatic next door, who, Gil's pretty sure, has a crush on Sara.

"I'll give her two minutes and then I'm going out." he mutters.

Suddenly Hank starts barking frantically, startling Gil and making him drop the spatula he's using.

Groaning, he picks it up off the tiled floor and throws it in the sink.

"Hank, knock it off!"

He removes the pan from the hob and places it under the grill to brown off, and then he moves over to the fridge to collect an armful of fruit.

"What is up with that dog?" he growls, throwing down the fruit when he finds that Hank is still barking.

Trudging over to the front door he pops his head out.

"Hank! Knock it off. Now." he yells.

He can see Sara sitting with her head in her hands, and for a moment he thinks that she's playing with their dog, but when she turns her head towards him he sees her fear ridden face.

"Sara?" he asks, moving over to her and crouching down in front of her shaking body. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"I…I can't…" she stammers.

Her heart starts to race even faster; she can almost feel it beating against her ribs, as if she's just run a marathon.

She looks so pale and scared. Fear grips at his heart; he hasn't seen her like this for a long time.

"Sweetheart, tell me what's happened." he soothes, wrapping his arm around her waist.

She pants hard for a few moments, trying to catch her breath.

"It'll tear me apart, Gil." she cries, thrusting the letter towards him.

He looks at Sara and then at the letter, and he starts to read. "Just to inform you that Natalie Davis is to appear in court on 21st September for a re-trial…

It takes him a few moments to get his head around what he's reading, and he re-reads the first line over and over in his head.

"What?" he growls, dropping the letter on the grass like it's poisonous.

Sara lowers her head in sorrow and leans in to Gil's chest, clinging tightly to his shoulders.

"Gil, I can't. I can't stand up in court and talk about what she did to me. I can't. I won't."

He's never seen his wife so scared, and it's breaking his heart. For a split second he thinks back a few years. _She left me because of what Natalie did to her. What if she leaves me, again?_

He shakes his head in anger, disgusted that the first thing to pop into his mind is his own feelings; his own fear.

"Sshhh… okay, honey, okay." he whispers, holding her just a little tighter. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I promise."

"But… what if they free her Gil. She… she…"

"Sara, listen to me. There's too much evidence against her, they can't; they won't, release her from prison." he whispers. "I'll make damn sure of that."

She feels like her world is crashing down around her.

"Come on, let's go inside. I'll phone a lawyer, to find out what's going on."

Helping Sara to her feet and wrapping his arm securely around her he leads her up the lawn and into the house.

A few hours later, after a long discussion with a lawyer, Sara is well past the point of scared and distraught. Now she's angry; very angry, but she's angry with herself. How can one stupid letter make her fear for her sanity; her life? The lawyer set her straight – Natalie Davis will definitely not be released from prison; however, she's appealing against the four life sentences she was given. She claims to have no recollection of murder and kidnap. The lawyer Gil called, Camille Brookes, assured Sara that she does not have to stand up in court, much to her relief; she doesn't even have to attend. The letter was purely for information purposes. If Sara changes her mind and would like to tell her story in court, or write a statement for Camille to read to the jury, that's fine too. But she couldn't seem to stress enough that there was no way that a judge will allow Natalie Davis back out on the streets.

Sara's sitting at the kitchen counter cradling a mug of now cold coffee.

"Sara, how about we get dressed and go for that meal which I had planned for us?"

She lifts her eyes to his and shakes her head.

"I don't fancy going out. I think I might just go to bed." she replies, pouring her cold coffee down the sink.

"Sara, it's your Birthday…"

"Don't push me, Gil. Please."

"Don't let this get you down. Everything's going to be fi…"

"Everything's going to be what, Gil? Fine?"

She can't stop the images which flash through her mind; cars, water, the dry hot desert.

"It's easy for you to say, Gil. You weren't kidnapped and left for dead. You weren't in agony for weeks on end. You weren't traumatised so badly that you wished you were dead." she screams at her husband. "Because I did. I wished I was dead. For weeks, hell, even months, I wished that I'd died out there in the desert. So don't you dare tell me that everything's going to be fine. Maybe it will be. And yes I'm probably overreacting but this is how she makes me feel. Just hearing her name makes me relive all of the horrible things she did to me; drugging me, trapping me. She even told me that you didn't love me, not as much as Ernie Dell loved her anyway. And for a short time I believed her, because you didn't find me straight away; you found me when it was almost too late. You should've found me before she had the chance to hurt me like that… So I'm sorry that I don't want to celebrate today because, let's face it, it's been one hell of a crappy day."

She instantly regrets what she's just blurted out; the look of shock and pain across his face is heartbreaking. She's never really told him the whole story of what happened to her. And she never spoke about what she was feeling, not even after they were married. All he knows is what he seen and what she's sure he read in the reports.

He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again.

He doesn't know what to say. He feels like he's been stabbed through the heart at hearing that she blames him for what happened to her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." she cries. "I hate this. I hate it…." she screams.

She slams her mug down against the black marble counter top and it shatters, sending shards of porcelain in all directions. For a long moment she just stares at the broken mug, trying to count the shards to calm her down.

"Damn!" she growls.

She looks towards her husband, regretting everything from the past few minutes, but he's not looking at her. He's looking straight through her.

Using her hand she runs it along the top of the counter to collect the small pieces, but shrieks and pulls back when a shard which she missed slices her wrist as she move it along the top.

When she cries out in pain Gil sees the blood and, realising what's happened, rushes straight over to her and grabs her wrist tightly with a towel.

"Oww…" she whimpers.

With him tightly holding her arm she lets out another shriek; part pain, fear and regret, and sinks down to the floor, sliding her back down the cupboard door.

After a few minutes of deafening silence, Gil slowly removes the towel from Sara's wrist and examines the deep wound, finding two shards lodged in between the skin; a large piece and a smaller piece.

"Sara, I need to get you to a hospital." he whispers. "I can't stop the bleeding, and there are some pieces of porcelain in the wound."

She looks at him with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm… I'm so sorry." she cries. "What I said, I didn't mean it…"

"Shh… okay."

Pulling a clean towel from the drawer above his head, he wraps it around her wrist and helps her to her feet. He can feel her body trembling, hell it might even be him who's trembling, and he feels awful. Deep down he knows that she doesn't blame him .

Blinking away his own tears he kisses her head and leads her out to the car.

**TBC**

**I cried writing this. I didn't want it to be too angsty/sad but my fingers worked the key board automatically and this is what you get. **

**I was in two minds whether to continue with this story before this chapter, but now I think I know what I want to write. So please bare with.**

**Lynne xo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Facing the Past**

**Chapter 3**

Laying on one of the beds in the Emergency Room, after a three hour wait, Sara winces as a doctor injects her with a small anaesthetic which will numb around the wound so that he can clean it and stitch it up.

"Okay, Mrs Grissom, I'll be back in a few minutes." chirps the doctor as he exits the room, but not before eyeing Gil curiously.

Her eyes wander over to her husband who has hardly spoken since they arrived at the hospital.

"Gil..."

He looks up at her and tries to smile a little, but he falters and looks away.

"I'm sorry." whispers Sara.

A young blonde nurse enters the room and eyes Gil, as the doctor did earlier, and moves over to stand beside Sara.

"Hi, I'm nurse Jackson." she smiles, then looks towards Gil. "Please can you give me a minute with your wife, alone."

He looks hesitantly at Sara for a moment and then stands and moves over to the bed.

"I'll go grab a coffee." he says.

He leans down a gives Sara a quick kiss on the cheek.

After Gil has left the room, nurse Jackson takes a seat next to Sara and watches her carefully for a moment.

"What happened to your arm, Sara?" she asks quietly.

"I dropped a mug and cut myself as I was cleaning it up."

Nurse Jackson looks thoughtful, trying to decipher if she's telling the truth.

"Sara, if you're husb..."

"Stop!" growls Sara. "Stop right there. I know what you're thinking and your wrong."

"Sara..." she's interrupted by a knock on the door, and she quickly moves over to answer it and she disappears.

When she's alone, Sara starts to cry. How did a wonderful morning turn into a disaster? She should be out celebrating her birthday right now, not stuck in the hospital.

The nurse returns a few moments later, followed by the doctor and Gil, and as soon as Gil sees that's she's crying he moves over to the bed and gently pulls her into his arms, his hurt slowly melting away.

"Can you give us a minute, please?" he asks, looking at the nurse and doctor.

They look at eachother hesitantly, and then both looks at Sara.

"For goodness sake. I did not attack my wife. It was an accident." he growls.

"Mr Grissom, calm down. We have to be vigilant with these situations."

"Calm down? How can I calm down when you're accusing me of beating up my wife? I have never laid a finger on her..."

The doctor looks less convinced, and he opens his mouth to speak but Sara cuts him off.

"I don't believe this..." barks Sara. "I've already told you what happened to my arm. It was an accident. Now if you don't mind... I'm having a really bad day. For a start, this morning I found out that the psycho who almost killed me four years ago is set to have a retrial. I was so mad and angry that a smashed my favourite mug, and I cut myself whilst trying to clean up the mess. You're accusing my husband, a man who literally wouldn't harm a fly, of attacking me, and to top it all off... it's my birthday. That's right, it's my birthday, I should be getting ready to go out for a romantic meal right now. So please... can you stitch me up so that I can get the hell out of here!"

Three pairs of eyes land on Sara's face; the doctor and nurse look completely shocked by the outburst, but Gil's has a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. It takes a few seconds for the two strangers to get it together and start rallying around Sara, whilst Gil sits in the seat on the other side of his wife, smiling. He takes hold of her good hand and lightly gives it a squeeze, and feeling her release a short breath of relief he knows that they're going to be fine.

Upon arriving home from the hospital, Gil goes straight to the bathroom and runs a bath for Sara, using a lavender bubble bath in hopes of helping her relax, at least, a little bit. Whilst waiting for the bath to fill he arranges some of the gifts he bought for her on the bed, just trying to make her feel better he arranges them into a 'heart' shape and then heads back into the bathroom. When he's happy with the temperature of the water he calls out for Sara and turns around, jumping when he finds her standing against the door frame watching him.

"Jeez..." he sighs. "Give an old man a heart attack."

She walks into his open open arms and tightly wraps hers around his waist.

"Sorry..."

"You were supposed to say that I'm not old..."

She chuckles and reaches up to kiss him quickly on the mouth.

"Why, Mr Grissom, you are not an 'old man'. Not if I'm judging you on your bedroom antics from this morning?" she giggles.

"Hmm..." he mutters. "Just for that I'll let you off the hook."

She looks up at him with big brown eyes.

"Been a long day, huh?"

Nodding her head against his chest she sighs.

"The bath for me?"

"Well... it isn't for me."

"Join me? Please?"

He smiles and lifts her chin, and kisses her.

"Of course."

Laying in the bath together, her back to his chest, they stay silent for a while, just enjoying the feel of eachother. His arms are around her body; his left hand holding her left hand, and his right hand is resting just below her stomach, whilst her right arm is hanging over the edge of the tub. She has her head back and positioned in the curve of his neck. She sighs with contentment, temporarily forgetting about her awful day, as the hot water and bubble soothe her.

After a while he releases her left hand and sits her upright, and using her her pink loofah he starts to rub down her back, leaving a trail of thick white bubbles.

"You feeling a little better?" he asks quietly.

"Mmm..." she mumbles, keeping her eyes closed.

"You ready for bed?"

"Mmm..." she mumbles again.

"Okay."

He manages to manoeuvre himself and he stands up and climbs out of the bath. Tying a towel around his waist he plucks another from the rack and turns back to Sara, who is now standing. He smiles at the beauty of her body, until his eyes land on the three inch scar down her right arm. Stepping forward he wraps the fluffy towel around her and helps her out of the tub.

"Thanks." she whispers, as he leads her into their bedroom. "You know I love you, Gil. I really didn't mean what I said..."

"I know you didn't." he smiles. "And I love you too. You're my whole world, Sara. Don't ever forget that."

Stopping in the doorway, she turns around to face him. She touches his cheek with her finger tips, and smiles a real smile. Leaning in close she kisses his lips and savours the moment before pulling away, still smiling. But her smile disappears when she enters the bedroom, she still doesn't feel like celebrating her birthday, and that includes the opening of gifts.

"Gil I..." she turns to face him again. "I'm sorry, I don't want to open any presents. I'm not in the mood, I'd rather wait until all of this over. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is, honey. I'll keep them safe until you're ready." he whispers, and moves over to the bed to remove the red and gold wrapped gifts.

Settling herself in bed, and curling up into her husband, she closes her eyes and attempts to sleep, knowing very well that if she does her dreams will be riddled with nightmares involving Natalie.

**TBC**

**I've totally lost my idea for this, but I'm not a quitter so I will plod on with it. **

**Lynne xo **


	4. Chapter 4

**Facing the Past**

**Chapter 4**

She awakes with a start, tangled in the bed sheets and gasping for breath.

Rolling her head towards the digital clock on her bedside table she finds that she's slept for almost an hour. It was a long night, followed been an even longer morning. Work wasn't too bad, she was grateful fort he distraction, but at home in bed was awful. Most of the morning, and into the afternoon, was spent praying for sleep to come and looking at the red lights displaying the time. For the past two weeks she's had the same problem; nightmares. Everytime she attempts to sleep or rest she relives what Natalie did to her. Luckily she's off work tonight, she doesn't think she could cope with working on ninety minutes of sleep again. Whilst lack of sleep is wearing her out, she has, however, been thinking and she's come to a decision, and she needs to prepare.

Sitting up and listening carefully she hears the shower running.

She sighs.

She knows that this has been hard on Gil, too. He hasn't been sleeping either, her sleepless nights and tossing and turning have been keeping him awake. But he has never complained. He's been there through her screams, her anger and her tantrums, comforting her until she's calmed down.

Making sure that the shower is still running, and figuring that she has maybe ten minutes alone whilst her husband finishes up and shaves etc, she reaches under her side of the bed and pulls out a thick black file containing all the details and pictures of her kidnapping. She's already read the 'Miniature Killer' files on all of Natalie's other victims, but she never, not once, looked through the file which is now held tightly in her hands.

After taking a few deep breaths, filling her lungs with the dry air conditioned air, she flips open the file and flicks through. Skimming through the pages she comes to an abrupt stop when she reaches Grissom's statement. She quickly skims over it but then flips past it, deciding that she should read it when she's a little more relaxed, and after talking to her husband about her decision. Next in the file are the photos of the 'miniature' which Natalie made of the crime scene involving Sara. It looks so real, the colours and the details are exactly like Sara remembers of the desert. Tears stab at her eyes, blurring her vision, but she blinks them away. And swallowing the lump which has now formed in her throat she moves on to the next batch of papers which have pictures attached to them; hospital reports. This is the information which she needs to read thoroughly later, but again decides to have a quick skim through now. Certain words and phrases jump out at her, pointing out the severity of her injuries.

_Severe dehydration, severe sunburn, sever sunstroke, broken arm, broken and badly bruised ribs, cuts and bruises covering most of her body..._

"Jeez... how many times can one doctor use the word 'severe' in a single report?" she whispers to herself.

Unable to read any more of the report, she turns the page over to find a photo.

She stares at it for a long moment before she realises that it's her in the picture and not a stranger.

She gasps.

She laying in a hospital bed, unconscious. Her body is bruised and battered, her arm held up in a sling, and there are numerous tubes and wires attached to various points of her limp and lifeless body, monitoring her; invading her. The report attached to the photo explains the tubes and wires, she's wearing an oxygen mask to help her breath, there's a morphine drip in her arm to providing her with much need pain relief, and a heart monitor. You name it she was attached to it.

"That's me." she cries.

She flicks through the next few pictures, which highlight the extent of her injuries, until she comes to another report where more words jump out at her.

_Day two in hospital. Unconscious for the majority of the time. Awoke screaming for her partner. Blood pressure was extremely high. Had to sedate her in order to calm her down and prevent any further stress or injuries. _

Suddenly she hears the bathroom door open and she looks up startled, with huge tear filled eyes. She hears his intake of breath when he realises what she's looking at.

"Sara... honey, why do you have these?" he asks softly and moves over to sit beside her on the bed.

"I...I've never looked at it before." she replies. "It's strange... I can't remember anything from being in hospital, except waking up for a few minutes. You were there, and you were holding my hand to your lips. That's all I can remember..."

He takes hold of her hand now.

"You were in a really bad way." he whispers, unable to look at her. "I thought that I was going to lose you. I had never been more scared in my entire life. For three days you were just drifting in and out of consciousness. Every few hours you woke up but... you were in so much pain that you just fell unconscious again."

Falling into a short silence, they look at eachother with tears in their eyes. Gil stays strong, for his wife, and blinks his away, but Sara's spill over silently.

"Gil... what she did to me..." she cries. "I'm going to stand up in court tomorrow and talk about it."

His mouth falls open in shock.

"What?"

"I... I have to, Gil. I have..." she trails off at seeing the look across his face.

He's struggling to find the words to speak. So many emotions are pushing to the surface he's having trouble sorting through them, but fear is the main one. Fear that seeing Natalie Davis again might push Sara over the edge; fear that she might pack up and leave him like she did years ago.

"No!" he growls. "You can't. I won't allow it. I won't allow you to stand up in court and relive what she did to you. I'm sorry but... no."

He can feel his heart start to pound in his chest, and suddenly he feels a migraine building.

"Gil, can we talk about this?"

"No, Sara. You're not doing it."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Why?" she asks again.

"Because!" he barks.

"I need a reason why, Gil. I need a reason why you're so dead set against me doing this. I thought that you'd be pleased; proud even, that I want to stand up and at least try to face my last demon. I need more of an answer than 'because' to stop me from doing this."

She didn't realise that she's stopped crying until she heard herself shout the last few words at her husband.

"Because, Sara, I can't handle you leaving me again. I can't handle you; my wife, packing up and deserting me, leaving me all alone again..." he screams at her, instantly regretting it.

At his revelation she pulls her hand out of his and covers her mouth with it. She can't believe that she hasn't even thought about the effect that this would have on him. She knows how much it hurt him when she was kidnapped, and then when she left he was in pieces, she knows that, but it couldn't be helped.

He's leaning over the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, crying. She's never seen him look so scared; so vulnerable.

She quickly jumps up off the bed, scattering files and reports over the floor, and kneels on the floor in front of him. He's now turned deathly pale and she can see the hurt and the fear in his eyes; the fear of losing the only woman he has ever loved. Again.

Cupping his face in her hands, and gently stroking his cheek, she makes him look her.

"Gil, I am so sorry. I haven't even thought about how this would effect you." she cries, and brushes away his thick falling tears. "I'm sorry but... I have to do this. I have to prove that she hasn't beaten me. But I promise you; I promise with my whole heart, that I won't leave you again."

"Sara..."

He shakes his head, making her release him.

"I've really thought about this, Gil, and I know I can do it, it'll be painful but I know I can do it with your support. I can't do it alone..." she sniffs.

He slides off the bed and lands on his knees in front of her. Taking hold of her left hand he lifts it to his mouth and kisses the gold and platinum wedding band which she never takes off. Deep down he knows that she needs to do this, and he knows that she's strong enough to deal with it. She's not the same person she was four years ago. Now she's completely settled, she stronger, and most of all... she's not alone anymore.

He reaches under the bed and pulls out one of the neatly wrapped gifts and places it in her left hand. He nods his head, indicating that he wants her to open it.

She hesitates, but slowly rips off the paper to find a black velvet box. Lifting the lid she finds a silver rope chain with an 'Infinity' pendant dangling from it. Looking closely she can see both of their names engraved in the silver, and she can't help the little dance her heart does.

Carefully he takes the box from her hand and takes out the chain. He moves a little close to Sara and slips the necklace on over her head.

It's so beautiful, and it's perfect for her. It's a twenty four inch chain and the 'Infinity' charm sits glistening between her breasts.

He takes hold of her hands again.

"You promise me that if you don't feel comfortable, or you change your mind, you'll stop? This isn't mandatory, Sara. It's not a real trial. And whether you stand up in court or not, Natalie will NOT be released."

"I promise..." she whispers, and gives his hand a squeeze.

"And promise me that you won't read the file about your kidnapping. Please Sara, don't read it, you don't need to, it won't help. Just tell them what you remember."

"But..." she sighs in defeat, and relief. He knows that she doesn't really want to read it. "I won't, I promise. Will you be there with me? In court, I mean."

"Honey, of course I will. I'll be there every step of the way."

"Thank you. And thank you for this." she smiles, taking her new pendant between her fingers. "I love it, it's beautiful."

"Me and you forever, Sara."

"Will you do one more thing for me?" she asks quietly.

"Anything." he smiles.

"Kiss me..."

He smiles, and a twinge of excitement surges through him. They haven't been intimate since the letter arrived, and the only kisses they've shared have been soothing kisses or quick pecks.

Slowly he leans in to her, and he hears her moan before their mouths even touch. He kisses her softly and pulls back, but then he kisses her again. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulls her tight against him.

"I love you."

She lifts her arms up around his neck. She kisses his bearded left cheek, then his right, and this his inviting mouth.

"I love you, too." she whispers against his mouth.

She feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulder. His kisses and soft caresses are warming her right through to her core.

For the first time in two weeks they're intimate, and it seems to last for hours. Making Sara feel more confident, and more relaxed than ever.

Eventually she falls asleep on the floor by their bed. Gil wants to lift her into the bed where she'll be more comfortable, but with her finally sleeping soundly he's scared incase he wakes her up. So, as a compromise, he pulls their duvet and pillows down to the floor and settles down beside her to sleep.

**TBC**

**This turned out a bit better that I thought.**

**Lynne xo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Facing the Past**

**Chapter 5**

In the courtroom, she can feel Natalie watching her, she has been for the past hour, and she swallows. She's avoided all eye contact with her. She's scared incase one look into those deep, almost black, eyes will make her crumble. She had a quick glance whilst Natalie was on the stand explaining her situation. Apparently now she's sane and she can't remember killing anyone or kidnapping and attempting to kill Sara. She's wearing a black shirt and black trousers, with her hair hanging lose around her face.

Sara's knuckles have turn white with gripping her husbands hand tightly. And she feels clammy and faint.

She reaches over and takes hold of Gil's hand.

"She's watching me." she whispers, he voice shaking.

"I know. Don't let her get to you, Sara. She can't hurt you."

"I need some air…"

She starts to push herself up, but Gil stops her.

She's managed to sit through Catherine and Brass talking about the first few 'Miniature Killer' cases, Natalie's other victims, but as soon as her husbands name is announced she know that she has to get out of there. As Gil stands up in his seat, Sara motions that she's going to head outside for some fresh air. She can see the panic across his face, so she smiles and takes hold of the pendant which is hanging down the front of her white blouse. He relaxes, and nods his head 'okay', but she knows that he'll send someone to follow her.

She's sitting alone on the steps in front of the court house, the cool breeze tousling her hair. Her hands are shaking as she holds a bottle of water up to her mouth. She thought that she could do this, but now she's having doubts. Now, whilst Gil is in the courtroom, after deciding that he should also take the stand, she's really starting to panic.

"Sara?" comes a familiar voice, stirring her from her thoughts.

She looks up and tries to smile.

"You could've joined me earlier." she smirks, knowing that he's been watching her closely for the past twenty minutes.

"You knew I was watching you?"

"I'm an investigator." she shrugs.

He laughs and moves down the steps, taking a seat beside her.

"How are you holding up?" asks Dr. Ray.

"I'm okay…"

He's not convinced by her words and he frowns.

"Okay, I'm terrified. I thought that I'd be able to do this, but seeing her in there… She was watching me; for the whole hour in there, she was watching me. "

He reaches his arm around her shoulders and gives a quick squeeze.

"I couldn't stay in whilst Gil's speaking."

"That's understandable." he says softly. "He asked me to follow you out. He's worried about you."

Sara smiles.

"Did you ever read the 'Miniature Killer' case files?"

"I did, just last week. I'm sorry for what she did to you, Sara."

She sits in silence for a moment, debating whether to carry on with what she was going to say.

"I left him because of what she did to me. I couldn't cope. I started to feel like… like I was suffocating all of the time."

"Sara, you're not the same person you were back then. Look at you. You got through it. You're strong. You're happily married. And you have a lot of people who care about you. I didn't know you back then, but I know you now. You're one the strongest people I know." he reassures her. "And I've heard the Grissom Sara Romance story, or parts of it, and I know that Grissom would never let you go again. The change in him since the first time I worked with him is outstanding. He's a whole different man, because of you. If you leave… he leaves with you."

"I know. I know that. I just mean… what if facing Natalie makes me crack? I couldn't put him through that again."

"It won't, Sara. It'll make you stronger and…"

He's interrupted by familiar voices heading towards them, and the both stand up as Catherine, Nick, Greg and Brass approach.

"You okay, Sara?" asks Catherine.

Sara smiles at Ray, thanking him for the 'pep talk'.

"I'm okay. What's going on?"

"Fifteen minute recess and then you're up." she replies. "If you still want to go ahead with it, that is?"

She nods her head. "I do. Where's Gil?"

Walking up behind her he wraps his arms around her waist and kisses the top of her head.

"He's right here." he smiles.

Turning her head to the side she kisses him. She can see in his eyes that what he's just done was hard for him. She takes hold of his hand and leads him away from the small group, back up the steps and around the side of the old building.

"Are you okay?" she asks, turning to face him.

"Yeah." he sighs. "I was asked about your case. Listen, Sara, you can still change your mind."

"I've made it this, Gil. I have to finalise this."

Slowly she moves in to him and kisses his mouth, feeling his beard brush lightly against her skin.

"Mmm… are you sure you don't want to just skip court and go home to continue this kiss."

Sara can't help laughing.

"Why go home to continue with it?"

Her mouth crushes against his in a warm and wet kiss. She can feel his hands as they land heavily on her hips and guide her backwards so that she's against the wall.

"Grissom? Sara?" comes Cath's voice.

They pull apart quickly, after getting too carried away.

He rests his fore head against hers and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"There you are. It's time…"says Cath, looking sorry for interrupting their moment.

Sara can feel the blood drain from her face.

"I love you, Sara. You can do this."

Sara looks at a smiling Catherine, and then back to her husband.

"I love you, too." she kisses him again. "Lets go."

They head back around the building and into the courtroom.

**TBC**

**Sorry, I know it's really short and there's waaaay too much dialogue but I'm starting to struggle again. What is wrong with me? **

**Lynne**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, I know nothing about lawyers or courtroom jargon so… just go with me on this. **

**Facing The Past**

**Chapter 6**

"Sweetheart, you don't have to do this." whispers Gil, straight after the judge calls Sara's name.

Sara shakes her head in disagreement. "I… I have to. I can do this…"

She releases his hand and slowly stands up, her eyes wandering quickly over the faces in the courtroom. Standing up straight, she smoothes out the wrinkles across her black shirt and takes a small step forward before looking back at her husband with fear written all over face.

"I'm here with you, Sara." he whispers, so that only she can hear him. "I love you."

At his words a wave of calm washes over her and her shaking subsides almost instantly. The reassurance of his words, and his smile, eases her fear, replacing it with a determination so strong it makes her smile.

With the confidence of a super model, Sara walks to the front of the room and takes the seat which has been provided for her.

"Okay Sara, how would you like to proceed? Would you like me to ask questions or would you rather tell your story from the beginning?" asks Camille, her lawyer.

With another quick look over to her husband, and her team, and finding nothing but encouraging smiles, she replies. "I'll tell my story."

Camille looks surprised at Sara's answer but nods her head.

"Okay, the courtroom has already heard about the other victims, and they already have a pretty good idea of what happened, so why don't you start at when you were kidnapped?"

Sara takes a deep and shaky breathe and thinks back to the night which changed her life.

_She was on the phone to Gil, which was funny because she'd been thinking about him; thinking about what she wanted to do to him when their shift finally came to an end. She remembers answering his call and calling him 'Gilbert', which she almost never called him. He phoned to tell her that the killer was Natalie Davis, and Sara agreed to head straight back into the lab. Opening the trunk of her car she placed her kit in, that's when she heard her name being called from behind her. She spun around and came face to face with Natalie Davis – The Miniature Killer – but before she had time to register who she was looking at she felt a searing hot pain in her chest. She tried to fight the nausea but she knew that she couldn't fight for long. _

"Stun guns are meant to take down an assailant, on any setting." she chokes out. "I couldn't fight it. And I went down. I remember feeling the concrete floor beneath me, only for a second, before I completely lost consciousness."

She's looking straight ahead, focusing on a dent in the wall at the back of the room. She wants to look at Gil, or another familiar face, but she's scared to. For the fist time in years she's finally talking about what happened to her, without keeping anything back.

_When she came around, minutes or hours, later she was tied up in the trunk of Natalie's car. Nothing about what was happening to her felt real, yet she knew that it was. She could still feel the sting from the stun gun, and she knew that she was going to have a life long scar to remind her of this night. If she survived it. With her hands tied behind her back she was struggling to move about and search for something – anything – which could help free her. She was practically clawing at the lining of the small space when she felt something cool and hard beneath her fingers. She knew what it was and she hoped it would do the trick of unbinding her hands. _

"Finally, I don't know how but I managed to free my hands. It's strange, I mean… obviously I was scared, but I wasn't panicking yet. I had no idea what was to come but I knew I had to get out of there, and panicking wouldn't help."

"Sara, what was it you used to help untie your hands? What did you find?" asks Camille, softly.

"Oh…err… One of the needles from the stun gun. It must have still been stuck in me when she locked me in…" she trails off and the room falls into an uncomfortable silence.

Camille clears her throat and asks "What happened next?"

"I…I managed to unlock the trunk. I opened it a crack. I would've jumped out but the speed of the car and me hitting the ground…" she shakes her head to rid the image and move onto the next. "I didn't see anything or anyone that could help me. If I'd have jumped she would've known…"

So she stayed put in the trunk of the car and tried to think of an escape which had a chance of working. _Carefully she found the latch to lower the back seat and she slowly crawled through. Natalie was driving but it looked as though her mind was somewhere else; like she wasn't paying attention. Sara saw her chance, and without thinking of the consequences she lunged at Natalie and tried to steer the car off the road._

"We struggled for a few moments. I tried, I tried so hard, to just make her stop the car, but nothing was working, she was too strong for me." whispers Sara. "The next think I know… I'm jumping from the moving car."

_Her already aching body slammed off the ground and she swore that she could feel every bone in her body shatter into a thousand pieces. She could feel her skin burning as her body was attacked by stones, grit and sand as she rolled along the road. Eventually she came to a stop, but she was dazed and she could barely open her eyes. She groaned in agony as she tried to move. All she wanted to do was stand up and run. She tried with every ounce of strength she had, but she was too weak. Her head was pounding and she couldn't focus. She couldn't make her body move to safety. She could see the headlights from the car speeding towards her, and her heart started to thump in her chest. But she still couldn't move. Clawing at the dirt road beneath her she tried to roll over; to move just another inch further away, but then suddenly Natalie was hovering above her. _

"I must have lost consciousness because when I woke up I was tied up again, but I was in the back seat of the car and on the floor. Natalie was pouring water in my mouth. I remember wondering why she was giving me water; why was she being nice."

Sara lowers her eyes to Gil's, to find a tear slowly trailing down his left cheek.

"I tried to talk to her. I knew that she was in the 'Foster' system as a child, and I told her that I was also in the system. I thought maybe if she realised that we had this in common, she might have stopped what she had planned but…"

Gil gives her a quick nod of his head, indicating that she should say what happened next.

"I told her that her foster father, Ernie Dell, loved her very much. We knew he did; he killed himself to protect her. But then she…"

She can't do it. She can't say what Natalie said to her about Grissom, not in this courtroom full of people.

"I stared to feel really drowsy and was struggling to form a sentence. That's when I realised that she'd spiked the water. Again I tried to fight the blackness but I couldn't."

Sara heard a few low mumbles in the courtroom, and she allowed her eyes to wander over a few faces in the crowd. All have a look of shock, sympathy and disgust. It makes Sara feel sick. She doesn't want their sympathy. She shouldn't even be here. Natalie should not be on trial again. As far as Sara's concerned she should have been given a lethal injection, mental health problems or not.

"Sara…" speaks Camille softly. "Would you like to take a break?"

"No." barks Sara. "I'm doing this now…"

_She started to come around as the car was being lowered on top of her; trapping her. She pleaded with Natalie, begging her not to do it, but the car was placed over her battered body and onto her left arm. She screamed in agony as Natalie drove away. Her arm was throbbing; searing pain was shooting up to her shoulder and spreading all over her body. It had started to rain heavily, causing flash flooding, as she struggled to free herself. Water was flowing through the desert and surrounding her. She was freezing cold and she was struggling to breathe. Panic had kicked in and she screamed as she tugged on her arm, trying in vain to get free. Her head kept falling under the water, she didn't have the energy to keep her head above the surface. She was choking as she breathed in the iciness and the sand._

"I'm not a religious person…" she cries. "But I prayed, like never before, that my team; my family, would find me before it was too late. All I wanted was for it to be over… one way or the other."

_It seemed like she was fighting for days, when in reality it was a few hours. She was tired and aching and she'd given up hope. But eventually she'd managed to free her arm. With guttural cry she crawled out from underneath car and started to walk, in search of higher ground._

"I knew that if I stayed near the car I would have died. The water was gushing and if it dragged me along I would have died straight away. I was already having trouble breathing…I couldn't have fought in the water for much longer…"

_She walked, and walked, for hours, maybe even days. The rain stopped and dried up as quickly as it had arrived. But with the loss of the rain came a whole new problem; the heat._

"I'm… My memory is a bit hazy after this. It felt like I was walking for days. I was severely dehydrated. The sun was burning into me. There was no where to walk to, no matter what direction I walked there was no road, and no help. I remember repeating the 'Times Tables' over and over again but… I got confused, I got lost off. And I'm good with numbers, I'm a scientist, I have to be." she says.

She doesn't look at Gil, but she knows that he's crying; she knows that her whole team is finding it hard to hold themselves together.

"I was dying, I knew I was. I was struggling to walk, and my vision was completely shot. I was… At that point I started to wish that… that…"

She looks directly at her husband, apologising to him for what she's about to say.

"I wished that death would just take me right then. Yet I couldn't stop walking. I wanted to just sit down and wait for it to happen but… I'm not a quitter. I'm a fighter. It was like my body wouldn't let me quit until it was ready. I walked a little further. I remember walking past some small bushes, there was shade beneath them, and I think that's where my body gave in. I felt the coolness of the shade on me for a second and then…. I'm blank after that." says Sara, wiping her eyes and looking around at stunned faces of the people in the room.

"The next thing I remember is waking up in hospital days later."

She can't believe that she's managed to talk about what happened to her that night. She's never spoken fully about it to anyone, not even her husband. Even when she gave Brass her statement, after the doctors cleared her to speak to the police, all she gave him was the facts of what happened.

She feels a sense of relief at finally opening up, and she hopes that this might finally allow her to fully recover from the ordeal.

"Can I ask you some questions, Sara?" asks Camille.

She nods her head in reply as she wipes away a few more tears.

"How did you cope afterwards?"

"Err…I had a lot of support. I work with the most amazing people, they're more than colleagues and friends, they're my family. And they were there for me through hospital appointments, my rage… everything. But… I wasn't coping. Everything was getting to me. I gave it some time but eventually I'd had enough. I left work one day and that was it, I left Vegas. I ran away from my problems."

"Was the time away good for you?"

Sara smiles a tiny smile as she thinks back.

"Yes. It was hard work; really hard work, but… here I am."

"This is my last question, Sara. How would you feel, what would it mean, if Natalie's sentence was reduced or if she was moved to a lower security prison or mental health hospital?"

Sara sighs.

"In my opinion her sentence should remain as it is; life in prison with no chance of parole. Natalie has killed five people, including her sister… whether through mental health issues or not, she knows the difference between right and wrong."

As the judge calls the trial to a end, Sara takes a seat next to her husband and takes hold of his hand tightly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I am so proud of you, Sara, so unbelievably proud." he smiles. "I wish that you'd have spoken to me a lot earlier about this but…"

He's interrupted by a voice from the front of the courtroom, a commanding voice which grabs everyone's attention.

"Your Honour, as head of the jury please can I make a request?"

Sara watches the judge narrow her eyes, but she nods her head.

"I request that we give our answer now. We all agree on the outcome."

"Okay, if the jury have mad a unanimous decision you may give the courtroom your verdict. In the case of Natalie Davis, please can the head juror state the decision of the remaining jury members."

"Your Honour, in the case of Natalie Davis, we the jury agree that her prison sentence should remain as life imprisonment. She will serve four life sentence for murder, one life sentence for kidnapping and attempted murder, and five years for possessing illegal drugs and using on another person without their consent."

"Thank you." says the judge.

Sara walks out of the courtroom with a smile across her face. She finally feels free of another of her demons.

Leaning her head against Gil's shoulder, with his arm securely around her waist, they head out of the courts.

She thanks he family for the immense support they've given her, knowing that this would have been impossible to get through if it wasn't for them.

They're just about to exit through the heavy, carved metal doors when Camille runs up to them.

"Sara, congratulations. I'm really pleased you decided to tell your story. You gave everyone a clear view of what happened to you. You should be proud of yourself." Camille smiles.

"I'm grateful for everything, Camille. Thank you."

"Okay, at the risk of bringing down the mood." she flinches. "I've told her 'No', but it's my job to ask. Natalie Davis would like to see you before she's taken back to the prison."

Sara had no idea what Camille was going to ask, but she certainly wasn't expecting to hear those words.

**TBC**

**Finally I've written another chapter. I've totally lost interest in writing at the minute. **

**I think there will be one or 2 more chapters after this one, just to finish it off. **

**Lynne xo**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, thanks so much for sticking with me through this. And thanks so much for your reviews, they've helped spur me along. **

**Facing the Past**

**Chapter 7**

"What?" barks Gil. "No. No, I won't allow that."

Although he's proud of what Sara has just done, and he wants her to fully deal with what happened to her all those years ago, he draws the line at her seeing Natalie, one on one. Truth be told, he's the one who wants to see Natalie but he's scared of what he might do to her. Sara had never told him the extent of what happened that night; she never told him that she'd wished herself dead.

"Gil…"

"No, Sara. You are not seeing her." He turns sharply towards Camille. "How dare you? How dare you ask that of her?"

His voice is ridden with anger, causing numerous people to stop and stare towards their small group.

"Gil, it's my job to ask." states Camille.

"We're going. Come on, Sara." he says.

He places his right arm around her waist and tries to tug her away from Camille, using a little more force that necessary, as if he's pulling her away from a poisonous snake.

But she doesn't move. Her stand is so strong Gil finds himself stumbling back into her.

"No…"

"Sara?"

Turning to face him, she lifts her hands to his face and tries to smile.

"Gil, I have to do this."

She hears the collective gasps from her team but she pays no attention. She doesn't care what they think; all she cares about is trying to get her husband to understand why.

"Sara, you're trembling. You're not ready for this."

"I… I am." she stutters, trying to keep her voice from shaking. "If I do this now, it'll be over forever."

He can't believe what he's hearing. How could she want to have a conversation with the woman who tried to kill her; the woman who tried to take her away from him? Why?

"Sara, it's already over." he whispers. His eyes are fixated steadily on his wife's but out of the corner he sees everyone take a few steps away, to give them, at least a little, privacy. "What do you want to hear from her? That she's sorry? That she didn't mean to hurt you? Sara…" he shakes his head in frustration when he realizes that his voice has risen a few octaves louder.

"I don't know. I just… I want this to be over. I don't want to do this, Gil, but it…"

"Then don't!" he growls. "Just walk away, Sara."

He holds out his hand to her, his eyes pleading with her; begging her, to leave with him right now. He sees her hesitate, for a brief second her slender hand reaches towards his and he sighs with relief, but then she turns around to face Camille.

"I'll do it." she breathes.

"Sara…" he warns, his voice low and tinged with hurt.

"Gil, you weren't there. I want to hear what she has to say about what she did…"

"You know what? You're right. I wasn't there with you." he whispers. "I'm only the person she took you from. I'm the one who was there every single night to hold you through your nightmares, and the pain. I'm the one who you took out all of your hurt and anger on. And I'm the one who you left after of all of the above."

"Gil…"

Her face softens. Again, she lifts her hands up to his face but he pulls away from her touch.

"You're right, Sara. It's your decision. You go in there and listen to what she has to say. I'm going home; I can't be a part of this."

And with that he turns and walks away.

He can hear his name being called but he chooses to ignore the sound and he continues down the steps of the court house, secretly hoping that Sara will follow him.

He can't grasp why Sara would want to talk to her. Why she would willingly want to be in the same room as her.

At the bottom of the steps he turns around, just in time to see Sara head back into the courthouse.

He growls and sits down on the bottom steps, burying his head in his hands, and praying that Sara won't come out of the courthouse a broken woman, again.

Pacing the small room she takes a quick look around. There's a small window, secured with security bars, and a wooden table and three chairs. She runs her clammy hands through her hair and moans. She always thought that if she finally came face to face with Natalie that she would have a million things to say to her, and a million questions to ask, but right now her mind is blank. The only words that stand out are 'Gil was right'.

"Why the hell am I here?" she mutters.

She looks out of the window; out at the desert in the distance, and sighs.

"I can't do this."

She turns around and moves quickly towards the door, knowing that Catherine and the guys won't think any less of her for backing out of this challenge. But just as her hand grasps the door handle, the door opens from the other side and Natalie is lead in, followed by an armed security guard. Sara jumps back startled, and she can feel the colour drain from her face.

She can't bring herself to look at Natalie. She doesn't want her to see that after all these years she's still afraid of her.

"Sit!" orders the burley guard as he leads Natalie around the table, and then he looks at Sara.

"You want me to stay?"

Sara lifts her eyes from the slate tiled floor up to his hard, yet friendly, eyes.

"I… Yes. Please stay."

Sara doesn't sit down; she stands next to door ready to make a run for it; her hand itching to reach for the door handle. She looks over at Natalie, who's looking down at the table and picking at her finger nails. She looks normal, Sara realises, except for the bright orange jumpsuit which she has now changed into.

For about five minutes the room is completely silent. Natalie hasn't even lifted her eyes from her hands, she looks quite content just to sit there and pick at her fingers until she bleeds. With the silence giving her time to think, Sara realises that she doesn't need to be here only to stand in this deathly quiet room. She turns around and takes hold of the door handle, pushing open the door. A blast of cool air surrounds her as she steps out into the hall way, and she's just about to close the door on Natalie, forever, when her name is called out.

"Sara…" comes the scarily familiar voice.

For a moment she stands frozen to the spot, secretly praying that it wasn't Natalie who called her name, but knowing that it was.

"Sara…"

Turning around, she heads back into the room.

"Why am I here, Natalie?" asks Sara, her voice shaking.

There's another silence, but this time uncomfortable. Natalie has changed from the person she was in the courtroom, it's almost as if she's fallen into the trance she was in 'that night'.

"Sara…" she chants, again. "You're now married to Grissom?"

She opens her mouth to reply but she doesn't; she stays silent.

"He said that you'd left when I seen him last?"

"What do want, Natalie?"

Again there's another long silence.

"You left because of me; what I did to you?"

Natalie's eyes open wide and her head slowly rocks from side to side as she looks directly at Sara.

"Yes." barks Sara. "I did."

"You weren't supposed to live. You were supposed to die." she says slowly, her voice eerily quiet. "I was supposed to take you away from Grissom."

Sara rolls her eyes, and shifts her weight from one leg to the other.

"Well… I lived."

Natalie's eyes have glazed over, and Sara almost feels sympathy for her. It's obvious that her physiological problems are starting to come through.

"I'm sorry, Sara. For everything."

Sara, again, turns to leave.

"Can you forgive me?"

She turns back around, lost for words.

"What?"

"Can you forgive me, Sara. I'm trying to make amends."

"Can I forgive you?" she shakes her head in confusion. "No, Natalie, I can't forgive you. You almost killed me. You almost ruined my life."

"But…I'm sorry. I was ill."

"Maybe you were, but that's no excuse for what you did to me, or the people you killed. You knew what you were doing was wrong, yet it didn't stop you."

"I killed because I had to. They were bad people…"

"You know what? I don't want to hear your excuses. I don't even know why I agreed to this meeting. I'm going home, Natalie." snaps Sara. "I felt like I had to come in here and see you, face to face, to finally get over what you did to me. But I don't need to be in here. I don't want to hear what you have to say. I don't want your apologies; I don't need to hear your apologies. What you did to me hardly ever crosses my mind anymore. Your apology is duly noted, Natalie, but I can't forgive you. I'm sorry."

With that she nods her head in 'thanks' towards the guard and she exits the room. Closing the door behind her she sighs, now knowing that this is over. She can feel tears building in eyes; tears of relief, but she blinks them away. Her legs are shaking as she speed walks through the wing of the courthouse and back towards the public areas. All she wants to do is go home and find her husband. She wants to apologise to him; tell him that he was right, that there was no reason she had to see Natalie.

As a guard at the exit door checks her identification she can feel her shaking start to subside as she nears freedom.

Stepping through the now unlocked door, the first face she sees is her husbands. Their eyes meet and without words they come together. Burrowing her face in his neck she tightly wraps her arms around his shoulders. For a long moment they just hold eachother, finding comfort and solace in eachother.

"I thought you'd left?" she whispers, pulling back slightly.

"I couldn't. The thought of you coming out of there and me not being here… I'm sorry, Sara."

"You were right, it was over before I agreed to meet her."

"Are you okay?" he asks, his eyes searching hers.

She smiles a tired, yet real, smile and nods her head. "I'm good. But can you do something for me?"

A quick flash of worry passes over his features. "Anything."

"Take me home."

He laughs and pulls her securely back against his body so that he can kiss the top of her head.

"Let's go."

They start to walk hand in hand along the corridor when Sara turns back expecting to see the Cath and the guys.

"They had to go. Work." he shrugs, knowing what she was thinking. "Cath said that she'd check in later."

"Do they need me?"

"No." he smiles. "Tonight, Mrs Grissom, you're all mine."

Her mouth curves into a huge smile. "Sounds good to me."

**TBC**

**I think there will be one more chapter.**

**Lynne xo**


	8. Chapter 8

T**hank for the reviews guys. I tried to reply to y'all to say thanks but when I clicked on the reply links it said that the account has been closed? There must be an error on the site or something. This is the last chapter, so here's a little fluffy (maybe smutty) bit for you.**

**Enjoy!**

**Facing the Past**

**Chapter 8**

Sara's sitting at the kitchen counter smiling as she watches her husband pull a chilled bottle from the fridge and starts to pour two glasses of rosé wine. In the background there's soft music playing, and Sara can hear Hank playing with one of his toys. The past few weeks have been really stressful for her; for both of them, but tonight she feels completely free and relaxed. She feels ready to take on the world. They're finally celebrating her Birthday, and they've both agreed that they will go out for a, long awaited, romantic meal tomorrow night. Tonight she wants to kiss and cuddle, she wants to make-up for the weeks they've lost due to the trial, and she wants to open the remaining gifts which are still under the bed. Usually she's not bothered about gifts but tonight she really wants to open them, especially if it'll stop Gil nagging her.

He hands her a glass of wine and turns back around to pick up a small chocolate cupcake with a creamy pink glitter icing and with one candle poking out the top. When he turns back to face her, she smiles at the sight of the sorry excuse for a Birthday cake. Pulling a box of matches from one of the many drawers in the kitchen, he picks out a match and strikes it against the edge of the box before carefully lighting the lone candle.

"Happy Belated Birthday, Sara." says Gil, holding the cupcake out to her.

Smiling she takes a breath and blows out the candle, making a wish as tradition.

"What did you wish for?" he asks, a mischievous grin across his face.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she smirks.

The both pick up their wine glasses and take long sip.

"Thank you." whispers Sara. "For being patient with me, and for being there for me. And… for everything."

Removing the candle from the spongy cake she pops it in her mouth and sucks the icing from it.

"Honey, you don't need to thank me. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to see you through the good, the bad and the extremely ugly. I love you, Sara, and I'd do anything for you. I wish you could understand that."

Smiling in reply, she takes another long sip of the wine and places the glass down in front of her. Reaching her hand out she takes hold of his and fits her fingers through it.

"I love you, too." she whispers, listening as the music changes.

He leans in slowly and softly kisses her lips, making her moan in appreciation. He pulls away and stares deep into her eyes for a moment before giving her another quick peck.

"Stay there, I'll be right back." he whispers, and then kisses her again and turns to leave.

Sara smiles to herself and dips her pinky finger in the sparkly icing on the cake, she then reaches over to pick up the knife which is lying on the opposite side of the counter. Carefully she cuts the cake down the middle and she's just placing half of it by Gil's glass of wine when he walks back into the kitchen, his arms overflowing with wrapped gifts.

"Now, will you please open your presents?" he asks, with a huge and pleading grin across his face.

Sara purses her lips for a moment before she starts giggling.

"Fine, fine. I'll open them."

She stands, picking up both of their glasses, and follows him into the living room. Setting the glasses down she takes a seat on the floor; her back against the sofa and her legs under the coffee table, and tucks into the gifts. The first gift she picks up is small, she carefully unwraps it to find a small black velvet box. Looking at him curiously, she smiles and flips open the lid to find a pair of silver earrings with a dangling infinity symbol on each one; a small replica of the one she wears around her neck.

"They're gorgeous. Thank you."

She lifts them from the box and fits one through the hole in her left ear, and then fits the other into her right ear.

"What do you think?" she asks, smiling whilst holding her hair back.

"Perfect." he replies, his eyes suddenly dark. "Now I can't wait to see you wearing nothing but those..." he gestures towards the silver jewellery.

Sitting in the same position as her, but with his body turned towards hers, he lifts her chin with his thumb and index finger. Their eyes meet, with the same burning passion, and Sara whimpers involuntarily. And then their lips meet in a hot and sensual kiss. Without breaking their mouth to mouth contact Sara repositions herself so that she's astride him, quickly losing interest in the unopened presents. Moving her lips from his, she starts to kiss all over his face; his cheeks, chin, his eyes. She slowly works her hands up over his chest and starts to undo the buttons on his shirt. Once undone she pulls the shirt from the waist band of his pants and slowly pushes it off over his shoulders.

His hands land on her hips. He works his fingers under her black shirt and starts to caress small circles with his thumbs. When he feels her body move closer to him he removes his hands from her waist and starts to unbutton her shirt, as slowly as she undone his.

Brushing her lips against his cheek she teases her way back to his mouth, and with moans of pleasure she winds her fingers up thorough his greying curls. With her hands clasped behind his head she pulls away slightly, to look at the face which has brought her so much happiness. She smiles. She knows how lucky she is; she knows how lucky she is to have this man; Gil Grissom, as her husband. From the day she first met him, he is all she's ever wanted; he's all that she will ever need.

At the loss of her mouth on his he opens his eyes, and the shock of blue makes her heart skip a beat. Suddenly, she feels like crying and she can't stop her eyes from filling with tears.

"Hey..." he whispers. "Honey, what's wrong?"

She smiles and shakes her head.

"I love you, so much, Gil Grissom. I am so lucky to have you as my husband."

"I'm the lucky one, Sara." he whispers.

Sara kisses him deeply.

"Gil... make this a night to remember."

He places his right hand behind her head and kisses her passionately.

They start to undress eachother, fumbling and urgently tugging and pulling at clothes until they're both naked in eachothers arms.

He has her pinned beneath him. He can feel her raking her fingernails up and down his back, and digging in with each kiss he places on her neck.

She arches up, offering her whole body to him, and he greedily accepts. His mouth lifts from hers and moves down to her neck, then slowly down the valley between her breasts.

Sara whimpers as he takes her left nipple in his mouth, arching her body into him again.

His mouth starts to trail down her body again; across her stomach, down her hips, and down to her sex. He can hear her breathing becoming ragged as he parts her legs.

He smiles

Sara squirms under his touch. She can feel his lips pressed against her sensitivity, and she squeals as he flicks out his tongue and, oh so slowly, starts to move it through her heat. It feels so good but she's not ready for this yet, she wants to climax with him inside her. She tries to speak; to make him stop, but for some reason the only words which escape her lips are 'Oh Gil'. She feels him smile against her at hearing her moan his name, and he moves is tongue quicker over her. She's so close, she wants him to stop but instead of her hands pushing him away they pull him further into her. She whimpers at losing control of her body and her hands fall from the back of his head to the hard wood floor beside her.

"Gil.. Gil.. oh..."

Without warning, waves of ecstasy roll through her body and her climax leaves her completely senseless.

When she finally comes around from her 'high' she can feel his mouth working her neck, softly nipping, kissing and biting her. Opening her eyes and it takes a long moment for her vision to steady.

"Mmm..." she moans.

He pulls away and looks down into her sparkling, yet dazed, eyes.

Sara rolls her head, searching for his mouth again.

"Hey... you're back with me." he smiles.

"Wow... that was... I don't even know what happened."

He kisses her, forcing his tongue into her mouth, and she can taste herself. She removes his hand from her left hip and moves it down to her, still hot, sex.

He knows what she wants and knowing that she's ready for him, he repositions himself so that he's above her and he gently pushes into her with one swift move. He feels her clamp down around him instantaneously, making him groan. Taking a deep breath he starts to move slowly within her. He grinds his hips against her, urging her to join in.

And she does.

This will definitely be a night to remember.

They roll around on the floor for hours, bodies slick with sweat, mouths teasing and hands caressing. He pushes her strengths and weaknesses, as she pushes his, and he brings her to climax twice.

She's panting; frantically trying to catch her breath, and she can feel herself about to give in to the sensation again. When she sees him take in a deep breath, knowing that he's trying to compose himself, she weakly reaches her right hand up to his cheek.

"No..." she gasps. "With me."

He kisses her slowly in agreement.

He starts to feel dizzy with pleasure. He's losing his senses; his mind, and his vision starts to blur, but he doesn't take his eyes off hers.

With a deep and final thrust, pleasure as hot as a bullet shoots through him. He holds himself deep inside her as her inner walls contract against him like sharp volts of electricity. His body shudders, and groaning out her name he gives her everything.

Her eyes shoot open in shock, and pleasure, at the feel of him. She arches up off the floor and cries out as their orgasms merge into one.

As they both come around from their lovemaking session, they find themselves lying below the window. His breath gets caught on her name when he looks at her. As her body glows in the light of the days dying sun, there are no relevant words he can think to say. He hears her moan with contentment and smiles. Her body is curled up against his, her head resting on his chest.

As he trails his fingers delicately up and down her body she lets out a hiss and his fingers come to a stop on her left hip.

"What's wrong?"

She looks at him and giggles.

"I think I'll have a bruise there by morning." she says. "Doing 'it' on the hardwood floor isn't such a good idea."

"I'm sorry, honey. Here... let me make it better."

Leaning over her he plants a kiss over the reddening mark on her hip.

"Let's go to bed?"

Standing up he holds out his hand to her, and she graciously accepts it. They look at eachother, with laughter in their eyes, when they see the mess in the room. The coffee table is over by the front door and the gifts which were on the table are now scattered all around the floor.

"Tomorrow." they say in unison and head towards the bedroom, picking up the forgotten pieces of cake on the way.

Settling down between the cool sheets, Sara folds herself up to his body.

"I love you." she slurs.

His heart does a little dance, even after all these years, and he smiles.

"I love you, too." he whispers. "We are one, Sara, and we will be forever."

**The End**

**Hope you enjoyed.**

**I struggled a bit towards the end, that's why it might seem a bit rushed. **

**I think I'm going to stop writing for a while because I really struggled with this. I'll only write if I have the whole idea in my head. I do have an idea for another fic/oneshot but I can't find the words to write it out. Keep your fingers crossed that my muse comes back soon. **

**Lynne xo**


End file.
